Today I had an experience I will never forget.
Dig if you will a picture of me with my foot up a clients ass...a complete asshole of a client....not reasonable, not even nice...been dealing with this fucker for over a month on the same issue and I HATE this guy!

He called me three seconds before I was on my way out to have a cig...caller ID said Unavailable and yet I KNEW it was him.  I said for my coworkers to hear (before I answered) DAMNIT that's HIM and I KNOW IT, I don't wanna answer, I don't, please help me God...."Good Afternoon, this is (me) can I help you?" and it WAS him.

All of a sudden the "this is a paying customer" rainbow shot me right up the ass and I got sweet as punkin pie.  "Oh yes, I know..." (you fucking asshole!) "that is just RIDICULOUS (no it's not)!!  You're so right!" (no, you're SO wrong but you're a client so... fuck me) "Yes, I KNOW" (that it sucks that people are asking you to WORK you fucker!) "that's a lot to ask, but really, it IS necessary, I promise you that." 

The conversation on the phone continues...and I'm basically taking it up the ass in the form of undeserved blame the whole time, resisting the undeniable urge to tell this asshole that he should really look into fucking himself.  Taste the rainbow....

There were a few times that he must have sensed that he crossed the line because I confidently responded that I was not requesting action on his part to amuse myself or to amuse the vendor, but that we had specific intentions in mind.  Asshole!  Yeah, I GET OFF on making your life suck... WHATEVER!

At the end of the 40 minute call (me having a nic fit the whole time) he must have realized that he tried to fuck me too hard and that I was just submitting at that point.... "Yes, let me do this and that" ( to make you happy motherfucker) and he said "You know honey, I may seem like I'm being a jerk but I'm really on your side!".  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Honey.  Honey.  I loved to be called Honey by people who LOVE ME, but for the rest of them??  May as well call me stupid bitch.  That's when the rainbow faded, I ACTUALLY SAID "Yeah I've heard that a lot lately from both sides of this, but if that's true then why is this so difficult!".

OMG... OMG... (ha ha ha)
I shoulda said "yeah but I'm still the bone in between two junk yard dogs..." thank God I didn't say that.

I hung up with asshole, leaving him feel like I had work to do again and then I had that ciggy.  Afterward I went in to tell the boss that usually a ciggy calms me down but this time....NOT SO!  As usual I got the typical male response on how to react without passion or emotion, a reaction that, as a woman (fuck ME!) doesn't come naturally for me...and I guess I have to thank the "balled ones" for leveling my emotions yet again.

For me, "leveling my emotions" means turning cold...all matter of factual your ass.  What's so wrong with the female "GO FUCK YOURSELF, oops excuse me for being so vulgar, but REALLY, have you considered fucking yourself?"  response?? At any rate, I was able to collect what I needed to respond to Sir Asshole with the manager's "balled ones" response, and a little added help from the "balled one" vendor representative who specifically told me to not let the asshole manipulate me.

 The asshole has YET to respond with my "ball guided" answer.  He must have assumed I grew a pair.  Really...damnit, a pair is all you need?

Fucking MEN!  Damnit I love them, I will love them until the day I die.

Perhaps the thing that we as women complain about is what makes them more successful in business.  How about a nice big dick in your mouth but I'm gonna make you think you want it there first because I know how to tell you that you should want it?  Damn them... I love you guys, I really do...

From the female perspective...just tell me what you want and don't make it too difficult for me to give it to you.  I am, after all a kind and giving spirit.... Jesus Christ if you WANT your dick in my mouth, SHIT but alright.... I don't really LIKE that, but if it makes you happy and you make me happy (usually) then it makes me happy....but at least WASH it first!  Otherwise face serious resistance.  But on top of that...it'd be nice if you put your face in the place every now and then.  I won't convince you that you should, but rather I'll assume that it's deserved for being so sweet to you all the time.  In the end, I'm ok with being a bitch as long as you know you're being an asshole.

Between men and women, sometimes it all boils down to sex it seems... it's too early for a woman to have a professional opinion, too early for a woman to know what the fuck she's talking about and have a man respect that without questioning it or requesting the opinion of another man.  That part of being a woman in a "man's field" sucks but you know what? If I make a mark on history it'll be for shouting "WHAT THE FUCK YOU DIRTY DICK MOTHERFUCKER???  Let's go have a beer and argue over this shit.  If I can't make my point you'll see aggression and if I drink you under the table and beat you at an arm wrestle you are now my bitch" while the others in my more timid gender might just go home and put soap in their husband's dinner.

At this point in my experience THAT's not even believeable, such an aggressive woman.  A woman who says fuck so much... a woman who likes beer, a woman who smokes and has the same ambitions as a man...I MUST be a lesbian.  Nope, not... love the dick...

I'm just an every day woman, the woman of the future that you have to deal with NOW.  I'm not perfect, I know that, I know I can be wrong....and that's what makes me different from men.  I can be slapped right in the face with being wrong and accept it where a man needs to deal with being wrong gradually.   If I ever thought I was perfect that would be the same to me as saying I was ready to die (for the perfect are invited to heaven earlier than the imperfect). 

Perhaps if I WERE perfect I'd have thought that this man needed help with his purpose and that I, as one of God's children might have guided him with more compassion and would have never thought about how nice his fucking shrunken head might look atop my monitor for others to see, how I'd wear his balls as a charm on my necklace, for others to witness how this seemingly "too nice" person is ready to kick one of the "balled ones" right in the nuts when he needs it.

Suppressed rage.  Does it make me dangerous or revolutionary?  I guess time will tell.  Either I'll be respected or behind bars. 

I'm still learning how to play by their game and at the end of any game someone wins and someone loses. 

In the end my male coworkers who'd heard the conversation between me and the asshole told me that knowing what an ass this guy is, they were quite impressed with how I handled it, quite impressed with the rainbow in my ass. .  They knew I wanted this guy's nuts on a skewer and yet the rainbow in my ass left the asshole feeling like he'd accomplished stirring the pot again even though he hadn't and despite all of that I was surprisingly cool about it.  They were proud of me.  We talked about how at the root of things I'm a nice person, not trying to piss anyone off and then they reaffirmed the fact that if it ever got that bad we'd all go out and beat this motherfucker with a baseball bat.  No, we won't, but I WOULD write his name on a piece of paper and then shit on it.  

LOL...a sick passive-aggresive motherfucker am I.

I drove home after this whole thing in high spirits... probably a lot of it due to the comfort of my coworkers but most of it just being over for the day.  He can't get to me after hours, and even though he didn't know it, I BEAT his ass this time.  I'm not miserable, I'm fucking happy!  I'm smarter and more reasonable than he is...people like me, people see that I'm only ugly when it's requested of me and so I guess that makes me what they say....BEAUTIFUL!

Beautiful and rebellious...

How could I be anything but that when the words of Dee Snider runs in my veins?  If you never understood me the time has come...are you ready?  Click Play.

...and ladies and gentlemen... I DO rock!